whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
