Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
