whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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