remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
