You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
