the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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