another moral hangover. fuck.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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