You work out of a Hotel?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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