I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
