brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
