just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
