tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Someone shit on the floor
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
