I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
