Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
