i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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