if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
