If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize