bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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