Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
