addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
