Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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