doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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