My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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