The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
