Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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