the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
