if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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