You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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