I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
