This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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