Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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