I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
