Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
