Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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