Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
