Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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