Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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