3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
