so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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