I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
