i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
