we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize