One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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