I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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