So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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