You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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