I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
