Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
