You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
