things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
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