I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
