Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
