I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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