It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
