I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
