Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize