Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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