so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
