I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
