dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I think i got beer on your cat.
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