I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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