I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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