if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize