I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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