dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize