I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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