I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
