you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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