the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
