Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
