In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
