just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
