No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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