dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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