the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize